$tay ¢old

Who is the idiot who deliberately decides not to wear galoshes on the snowiest/rainiest day of the year because galoshes aren’t warm? HELLO, AT LEAST THEY ARE DRY! I just spent an hour going into shops looking for snow boots and there are none to be had. Slogging through the […]

Last night, somewhere between drinking Evan Williams out of the bottle and attempting to play ping pong while seeing double, I managed to send the most amazing drunk text I have ever typed. ever. in the history of me and booze and phones:
“Make Hump day Hump ME day.”
I AM OFFICIALLY MADE OF MAGIC.

As the managing editor of a “major” pornographic magazine, I get dozens of porno DVDs every single week. Most of them are called something like Ghetto Booty #30 or Asian Ass #69 or Mother’s Milk From Hell or some shit. Once in a blue moon, however, I get tranny porn. Today is one of those […]

Some sort of insane slapstick or “ha ha look at the loser” comedy.  I started a load of laundry over three hours ago and it is STILL IN MY MACHINE.  There’s also a giant puddle on my floor and my jeans are still in two feet of water.
My solution: a) laugh  b) watch DVR’d Rock […]

the door to the bathroom you’re in opens and you’re on the pot and you can’t get up to close it and you’re shouting CAN SOMEONE GET THE DOOR and finally one of them pokes her head in not realizing what’s going on, laughs at you, tells everyone at the party that she just saw […]

Avid readers of $tay ¢old have probably been thinking to themselves, “Now this here site is pretty dang entertaining. I just feel like there’s something missing…something that I can’t quite put my finger on….” Well I’m here to tell you what that something is: A Jew. And not just any Jew–me. […]

I love Amy Winehouse. I’ve never listened to her album(s?), but something about her makes me insane in a good way.
Is it her missing toof?

Is it her crack smoking demeanor?
Her penchant for walking the streets of London in the wee hours of the morning in her underwear?

I have no idea. She is so inexplicably […]

Once upon a time, I met two shmucks and they got hammered and tagged my staircase with $¢ and my landlord was almost as pissed as my roommates were but they were so psyched on this idea that it didn’t matter. Life has kicked us in the head, I know, and our hearts might […]

Apparently, some mother gave her kid Ecstasy in the back of a van because her and her friends thought it would be funny. What a waste of drugs! I’m kidding (sorta). Video here.

 
Foxy showed up at the “horrid” Urban Music Awards, performed, and ate everything in the place.
source: MissInfo
earlier:  Foxy Done Got Robbed

GEDDIT HAHAHA. What? Sorry.
Reasons to still go to the Meadowlands Fair, on through July 8:

ooh she fiiiiine but she crazy.
Troubled rapstress Foxy Brown was accosted early Monday morning by some of her ex’s streetwalkers and got her purse, weave, and hearing aid lifted. Foxy and her former boo were at a party at Pink Houses that night, reports the Daily News, via the illustrious and delicious Missinfo.
After learning […]

Listen Justin, I know the last video was a little bit (unnecessarily) extravagant, but you’re boring the pants off me with this one. The special effects look pretty cool, but they would probably look better if I was stoned. Love stoned. Get it? Anyway, here it is, the new Justin Timberlake video for “Lovestoned.” My […]

Frankie Abernathy, “famous” for being a cast member on The Real World: San Diego, has passed on to the great Crass show in the sky. She had cystic fibrosis and was a heavy smoker, which, although there is reportedly no cause of death as of yet, is probably the reason she died.
You might remember certain […]

Slated to open in October, the proprietors of Fat Baby and Darkroom have announced a hillbilly-inspired bar at 133 Essex that will feature a mechanical bull. Apparently, Manhattan famously lacks these entertainment devices (I guess the spank booths and crack aren’t enough for some people). Prepare to see bridge and tunnels and downtown wacksters alike […]

This big fat lovable Border Collie belongs to my roommate Heather. She barks at everything and sheds like crazy, but if Sashimi were a person, Stay Cold would be her best friend. We would be eating Crif Dogs and chugging ‘rade together after staying up until 5 drinking Tecates. This dog kills it.
earlier: The New […]

 
Paris Hilton is out of jail, says an “unimpeachable source,” according to TMZ.com. Yay? We didn’t even have enough time to cop Free Paris shirts or some shit.
source: TMZ 
earlier: Inmate #69666420

These people are fucking punk! For the last five years, people have been cramming the whole “Never Forget” thing down their throats and they are all “no way dude, I’m not remembering SHIT. Not even the day OR the year of the attacks.” One guy even goes as far as picking option (d) when […]